(The following is the message I emailed to colleagues and friends on my last day at LinkedIn. At the request of many of them, I’ve decided to post it publicly….For the last month and half I’ve been residing, volunteering, and meditating high in the Andes Mountains near Cuenca, Ecuador.)
“In nooks all over the earth sit men who are waiting, scarcely knowing in what way they are waiting, much less that they are waiting in vain. Occasionally the call that awakens– that accident which gives the ‘permission to act ‘— comes too late, when the best youth and strength for action has already been used up by sitting still; and many have found to their horror when they ‘leaped up’ that their limbs had gone to sleep and their spirit had become too heavy. ‘It is too late,’ they said to themselves, having lost their faith in themselves and henceforth forever useless.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
“Everyone holds his fortune in his own hands, like a sculptor the raw material he will fashion into a figure. But it’s the same with that type of artistic activity as with all others: We are merely born with the capability to do it. The skill to mold the material into what we want must be learned and attentively cultivated.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
These past six years of young adulthood have marked, for me, a sort of personal odyssey. From my simple roots back in Nashville, I ventured first to the gridiron of college athletics, then to the competitive urban jungle of Manhattan, and finally out to the oasis of creativity, innovation, and entrepreneurial endeavor that is Silicon Valley. All of this done in a relentless pursuit to experience and consume the extremes that life has to offer. My restless spirit impelled me onwards in this quest for More. An unquenchable thirst that, for better or worse, pushed me to pursue maximal achievement, status, and upward mobility.
In truth, this pursuit, starting early in my youth, emerged from deep seeded feelings of confusion and discontentment within myself. I wasn’t happy. And so, as an ambitious American with a deep belief in romanticized consumerism, I genuinely thought that a journey of external achievement and consumption would eventually lead to a mountaintop of satisfaction and peace in my life. I thought that should I defer happiness to a later date, and focus my stress and energy in the present moment on building towards something in the distant future. My problems would eventually be solved by acquiring prestigious degrees, elevating my social circles, and embarking upon the pathway to becoming rich and successful. I just needed to reach that “higher level”, and everything would one day be okay.
However, having achieved everything and more of what I hoped to accomplish in young adulthood and finding myself on a straightforward path towards material ‘success’, I became deeply disillusioned with these romantic promises. With great confusion, I realized that, having acquired what I hoped to acquire, I felt the same way I’d always felt: empty, discontent, and still grasping at something fundamental that remained elusive. Confusion, disinterest, and depression set in.
In this time of internal crisis, a mentor reminded me of a piece of eastern wisdom. “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” ― Buddha
A harsh lesson difficult to fully grasp. But over time I understood that the journey that really matters for me and the journey that is truly rewarding to me is the inward one. This inward journey is what fosters deep wisdom, peace, and satisfaction. The external path (career, creative projects, etc) shouldn’t be ignored, but its value is measured by how it facilitates the development my inner character, compassion, and wisdom, and not by arbitrary titles, money, and various symbols of status, mere illusions marketed most insidiously.
So with that understanding, what to do next? Over time, the answer emerged clearly from the silence of my mind.
“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself.” ― Leonardo da Vinci
This road to self-mastery is the road I’m am choosing to now fully embark upon. To know myself and to become fully aware is the only way I’ll come to know that which I wish to give and to create in the world. The journey may be long and uncertain, but in this moment, above all else, I’m choosing to trust my inner instinct and inclination over any other external expectations or pressures. This inward understanding now guides my thinking and decisions.
LinkedIn is a beautiful place packed with brilliant people, a purpose-driven spirit, and a mission both noble and immeasurably vital in today’s evolving and uncertain world. I have nothing but love and appreciation for the time I’ve spent here, and admiration and gratitude for all who’ve crossed my path as managers, mentors, and peers.
But the time has come for me to build something of my own, and this project begins with transforming myself. This road takes me next to the Ecuadorian Andes and then the Peruvian Amazon, places which offer, for me, the space and tools to facilitate this transformation most effectively. By design, I have no end date in mind and no concrete plans afterward. For me, life is a continuous and simultaneous process of discovering and creating oneself, and I am letting go of my expectations and learning to enjoy the enduring beauty of the journey.
Life is brief. Live your truth.
F*ck anything less.
AB 😎
Leave a Reply